By Anna Lynn Sibal
Because the wedding is about the two people getting married, it is important for these two people to agree on what vows they are going to recite during their wedding ceremony. The two of them can either choose to go with the traditional wedding vows or write their own. If they opt to write their own, though, what agreements should they make with each other when writing their wedding vows?
The first agreement they have to make when writing their wedding vows is whether they will just spruce up the wordings of a traditional wedding vow or write something completely new and customized for their own wedding. The bride and groom must be on the same page with this and they should both have the same feelings about how their vows should flow.
The second agreement that the couple should make is on the length of their vows. It is certainly odd for one half of the couple to have pages and pages of vows to recite on the wedding day while the other half only has five or so lines for her part. To prevent such oddness and the discomfort that comes with it, the couple should decide on both the minimum and maximum lines that their wedding vows should have.
The third agreement that the couple ought to settle on is whether they would work on their vows together, with each knowing what the other would say, or whether they would just surprise each other on their wedding day. Some people always want to know what to expect, and this includes what their partner will promise them on their wedding day. Some people are spontaneous enough to want the surprise. Agreeing on this beforehand will prevent any confusion on both the bride and the groom’s part on the day of the wedding.
How the wedding vow is worded is very important for both the bride and the groom. So, the fourth agreement that the bridal couple should make is what words they feel must be included in the vows their partner is going to say to them on their wedding day. Does the bride want her husband-to-be to praise her beauty and virtues when reciting their vows, or is just saying “I love you” or “I want to grow old with you” enough for her? Does the groom want his wife-in-waiting to tell him that he is “her best friend” and that she “will stand by him for the rest of her life”? If the bride and the groom want to hear something from their partners during the recital of the vows, they should say so.
On a similar vein, the fifth agreement that the bride and groom should make is whether or not there are words that they would rather not hear included in the wedding vows they will exchange. Such an agreement will prevent any discomfort during the ceremony itself.
Whether a couple will go with the traditional vows or write their own is a joint decision they will have to make. Certainly, it is one of the many firsts that they will make together as they embark on the journey of their lives.